i noe u will read my blog once in a while.. hmm.. do you know that i planned everyting sui sui today? i woke u early to cook the porriage tt i duno if u reali did eat or throw away la.. planed to watch movie wib u.. after that mayb go walk walk Den bring you to chinatown to see the buTterfly speciment.. BUT... but.. u came with him.. i was shocked.. was sadden... was lost for words.. u can never imagine the pain i went thru.. i can onli sit down there in silence.. i couldnt find a word to speak.. what makes it worse is.. u went off and never came back... haiz... i can see that u are happy wib him.. and i am happy for u.. people will say i am silly.. why stay for a love that u will never see a future... yes i am silly but.. what i want is very simple.. i jus wan to see u happy.. tts enuf.. i jus want to see that u are fine... doin well.. taken care of.. what i can do is very limted.. what i heard is too much.. i duno.. i am lost for feelings.. i am numb.. tis is nt the 1st time... since poly started..its been 2 or 3 times alrdy.. what a loser i am.. i am lost for motivation to do anyting.. totalli lost.. even its the tings i loved to do.. i nw has got no motivation to do it well.. its so sucky.. its jus so affecting.. u seems to care.. but u oso seems to dun wish to care.. yupx mayb u gt a bf alrdy.. so ya u cant do much oso.. i duno... u duno hw much pains i took jus to find tt bday present tt was never ment to be.. u duno hw much pain i have gone thru.. hw much i have lost out... but u.. u never want to gif me the chance.. NEver.. onli will say i am good.. he is sumwhat lyk me.. i make u feel loved.. i make u happy.. BUT whY? why.. why never will u evn wanna try.. u can gif him a chance.. but why not me.. u can put ur heart at a risk of being hurt again.. but why u dun wanna hand them over to sumone who will never hurt them.. who gaf u the promise that no matter what happen he is the one who is suffer and u will jus stay and see.. u dun evn haf to worry much.. coz he'll be fine.. BUT WHY? i realli dun understand.. when there is one who is a assured 90% good guy and one who is still unknown to you.. why would you wan to risk and go wib the unknown one instead of being with the 90% one.. altot he may haf faults.. but he is changing wat.. he is changing to a 100% good guy wat.. why.. why u onli know hw to say u appreciate it but u never will want to try it out wib him.. wth man.. i am sick of all tis bullshit man.. you always gif me a dream. but u never gif me the chance to complete the dream.. u oways make me fly so high and fall so hard.. why.. are u realli tt happy to see me in such a state? omfg.. i cant imagine people will hate me for a reason which is so silly as to.. i am too serious when i am serious and too playfull when i am playing.. wth la.. i mean... if u need to get serious Den be serious la.. if u wan to play Den put everyting aside and play la... what do u all expect.. u wan me to get serious and playful at the same time? be playful and serious? wah tt i cant man.. teach me how la.. imagine.. i am playing.. Den i suddenly say. hey dun play liao.. too playful liao.. weird rite.. wah kao.. iyah suan liao.. u got D***Y.. and bro's got ***i**... me... left with nothing.. to to ask for.. nth tt i can do.. ha... haiz..... i realli miss u.. guess u are still outside now.. watchin movie i guess.. hiaz.... me.. all alone at home.. bro's out to genting wif out evn informing me.. hiaz.. all is aslp.. i tink i shuld too.. well people oways say.. haf a good slp and everyting will be fine tml.. will it... tink about it...