tink i realli made a big big big big mistake tis semester... not studying as hard enuf..
i feel that i am going to fail.. i choose a subject that i cant score.. fuck!! i hate it.. i always hate it when is so near to the exams.. recieved a msg frm adeline.. although its joking but how i wish the msg she send was true.. i never forward the msg which i am suppose to.. and it means i am goin to die terribly during the month of ghost.. our good brothers is coming to catch me and kill me once and for all.. i felt so happy yet sad upon recieving the msg.. i wan to die so very much but yet inside me tells me that i have got so many things not done.. i am feeling all so lousy but yet who could understand.. i wanna cry out but who would even care.. i wanna do well for exams but my brain jus couldnt function as i wanted.. everyone says left hander are so very smart.. but me.. totall opposite.. everyone says mix bloods are so good looking but me.. why cant i jus get the good things of what i am supposed to get.. i have changed so many time.. but yet when it all comes to tis very moment.. i get thrown back to square one.. i start talking rubbish start making people ard me detest me.. start making people shake their head over my doing.. i dun understand. i jus dont understand whats making me do all tis things i dont wan.. i jus want to lead a simple life.. i guess god has been good to me for long enuf.. i have been running away from him time and again.. i have been doin all so many sins.. i am no christian. i dont believe in god but i jus dont noe what makes me say those words.. i wanna erase but some part of me forbids it.. i wanna die but i wanna be strong and get over it.. i wanna talk things out wif lulu but i duno whats wrong.. i wan a friend not a foe.. but i duno how to speak up.. i wanna have a good cry but i lost the ability.. i wanna share my thoughts but i cant speak from my heart and mind anymore.. there is so many things i have lost touch with that i just want to get back.. i wanna swim well but i have been failing timings.. i wanna do so many so much.. but i cant even handle such little stuffs what more could i ask for.. i wanna treat you good but i dont noe how.. i wanna ask you to be my girl friend but we arnt even communicating friends.. i wanna talk to you more.. but we dont even have a topic to talk about.. i wana ask you out.. but you are oways so bz.. i wanna show that i care.. but how wen we dont even communicate properly.. i wanna grow up and be more matured.. but i always wants to play and fool around.. i wanna get drown in the pool but bernie saved me.. i wanna make people hate me and kill me.. but all forgave me.. i wanna make people fight me.. but they dun want to.. i wanna make people push me down the building but no one dares.. i wanna jump off a building but i dont dare.. i wanna get run down by the car but it stop jus by my toe.. i wanna leave tis earth "myself" but i cant put tings down so if anyone is willing to give me a helping hand.. do let me noe.. i shall transfer all my belongings to you as a reward.. or mayb.. jus maybe.. someone would kill me willingly.. mayb someone out there could jus try to understand...