this 4 days has been a torture yet at the same time it finally really made me thinking thoroughly.. on wat i have been living on.. what i have been wanting to do.. show.. and prove.. how many of those actually has i realised... so many plans but how many did i actually put into action? and how many of those which i put into action actually succeeded? to many i mayb a person who noes alot.. but deep down inside.. i myself knows best.. i noe nuts..

to me everything seems so easy that i dun put in the effort its needed.. and wen eva it fails than i start to blame everything but myself last... after being together.. i really learnt alot alot.. so much so that things i thought i knew long long time ago became so vivid.. so blur.. i feel like some noob.. some baby learning how to crawl all over again.. learning all about anger management, social skills, plannings and earnings... speaking of which.. been talking to so many ppl about future plans.. ppl whome wants to become swimming instructor.. start a swimming sch and coach kids.. ppl who wants to go Ns- sign on and get scholarships further studies at the Uni... people who wants to start a business.. people who wants to get back into where they came out of.. so many so many..

Then i sit back and think.. what do i see myself 10,20 years down the road..(frankly speaking if not coz of you i wouldnt really think so much..) thinking back.. 10years ago.. my dream was still to become the best firefighter.. dun ask me why.. i just thought it was really nice to be one.. running into fires when everyone is running out.. 5 years ago.. i started thinking about becoming a pool champion... altot i am not.. but still is trying to play.. 1 year ago.. was trying so hard to go back to where i came out of.. to start all over again... and for now.. all i want is to sit beside you and hug you.. assuring everyting is fine.. knowing you are strong.. but sometimes even the strongest person needs reassurance.. 5 years down the road.. i see myself doing Ns after my scholarship.. 10 years down. i see myself a high flyer in Ns... 15 years down.. i see myself married and living happily.. 20 years down.. i see myself bored of my work.. almost quiting yet trying to start up a company to spend my time on.. 25years down. i see my company blooming.. and then if she aint my wife.. she will come back to me and say "you made it".. and i noe she will be proud of me.. very very proud...

this is a super long entry... from now on.. i wont post on here as frequently..
not much people actually read also.. mite as well take the time to study and wrk harder...
and achieve all the plans earlier..

am i doing all this coz i am not willing to lose out or cost i really want the best of me? or is all this becoz of u.. and u alone? i am so silly to like someone who doesnt bother about me.... so silly...

baby.. you noe its you whome changed me.. and yes.. thanks...